About John

A winding path to the chair

My approach is warm and collaborative, but it has a spine. I take the work seriously without asking you to be solemn about it. With couples, I head for the places that usually get avoided: high-conflict dynamics, repair after betrayal, and the stay-or-go crossroads of discernment counseling. I lean on the Gottmans' communication tools and Emotionally Focused Therapy to get beyond the latest argument and underneath the pattern. With individuals, I work from Internal Family Systems, family-of-origin and intergenerational repair, and trauma- and shame-focused approaches. I borrow from existential, narrative, and family-systems thinking to help you make meaning of your particular life. A diagnosis can be useful. It isn't who you are.

I came to this work by way of a Master of Divinity (concentrated in Queer Theology), pastoral care, and running an LGBTQ+ advocacy organization in New York City. Before I was in a therapy room, I was sitting with people while they untangled who they were from what they'd been taught to be. The second master's and license, in marriage and family therapy, came later, bolstering my skills with a clinical understanding of what helps people change their lives. That history is what lets me sit with the tangle of faith and family instead of reaching for a tidy answer.